Nov. 7, 2018
Alone Time used to be the scariest thing I could imagine. I would do almost ANYTHING in my power not to be alone. I would cram activities and people into my life until the seams were bursting. Responsibilities, social activities, work, children, friends, community, church, animals, family, chores… you name it I crammed it. From the break of day until my head hit the pillow at night I was constantly on the go. Why was I so against this time alone? Because that meant I was alone with my thoughts. Thoughts of inadequacy, disappointment, resentment, regret, loss. Heavy, heavy thoughts that hurt or scared me.
So this year, I began weekly counseling and one of the things we worked on was my ability to be alone. At first I tried it for an hour. I sat on my couch and wrote a letter, read my bible, and looked through old pictures. As soon as the hour was up, I took off to do something with my friends. Soon I worked up to 4 hours of alone time, taking time to work on projects, write short stories, send letters to my family. I started to feel less anxious, less sad. I started to feel upbeat and like being by myself was actually something to look forward to.
Now, I love to have Alone Time. I try to carve it out in every day. Time to walk and listen to the birds; feel my feelings, think my thoughts, process my life. Alone Time has become crucial to my well-being. It is time to decompress, sometimes laugh; sometimes cry; sometimes just be. I have learned to be ok with myself, even when things are not ok. I have learned to listen to myself. I have learned to love myself for exactly who I am. Maybe some Alone Time could help you too!