That’s Not Fair!

From Elaina: A year ago, I had hit my out of pocket on my medical insurance. My endocrinologist mentioned that I had bunions. I figured I should get them checked out for free. The podiatrist told me that I definitely had bunions in both feet. They would only continue to get worse and surgery would eventually be the answer. Might as well do it while it was free!

Bunion surgery was more painful that I had anticipated with a longer recovery, but I was happy that it was done and out of the way. During this summer, I had a painful bump on my left foot. I dealt with it most of the summer with increasing pain. Finally, the podiatrist diagnosed it as a benign cyst that developed as an autoimmune reaction to the “dissolvable” stitches. Very rare. He only sees this once every year of so. Quick surgery. Not too expensive. Easy recovery.

Meanwhile, my right foot looks worse than it did pre-surgery. My big toe is leaning and rubbing against the next toe, giving me blisters. Of course, I assume that it’s probably another cyst or that it takes me longer to heal because of autoimmune issues. I finally decided last week to go back to the doctor to check before the year rolls to a new deductible. He took x-rays and walked into the room saying, “Yowza!” Not what I want to hear from my doctor! Less than 3% of people have a reoccurring bunion after surgery. Lucky me! Ever the exception! I am going in this week for a more extension surgery with a screw and rod put into my foot. This will be a bit of a longer recovery. I am not happy!

My first thoughts were a lot of bad words. Then the, “That’s not fair!” started. I am giving myself a few days to be angry and bitter, but that’s it. Nobody intentionally did this to me. There is no reason this should be happening to me. On the other hand, I am not battling for my life or witnessing the severe sickness of a loved one. Sometimes shit just happens. I am truly an optimist. I really believe that our life events, good and bad, shape us into who we are. I’ve had a lot of pretty crappy things happen in my life. I don’t think God “allows” the bad things to happen to us, but I think we are given gifts, even in our most difficult times. Truth is, life isn’t fair. It’s not equal. There often isn’t a reason for the things that happen to us. All we can do is weather on and hope for the silver lining to be revealed in our dark clouds.


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